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Catering is also an issue, perhaps we should
get an outside agency to occupy a portion of the show space
and sell mouldy buns and sandwiches along with warm cans of
coke. |
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Vol.3 No.2
Commentary
Quo Vadis
The Visionary
By: Ian Shaw of Reefwatch Krabi
Ladies and Gentlemen I wish it to be known that I have had a vision.
A vision that will fill us with a warm feeling and also an even greater
amount of individual as well as corporate satisfaction. I am, of course
talking about the worlds greatest dive show hence forth to be known
as Vizdex (Visual Diving Exhibition) and not the shroud of Turin.
I spoke to Nobby Spamhead about my latest invention. In the first
place I enthused, we should find a location that is really difficult
to locate. This will inspire all the visiting divers to use compasses,
reels and astro navigation techniques in their attempts at finding
us. Nobby stares in admiration so I continue babbling. In order to
save money I think we should not place any signs to assist our brave
visitors in their quest. The non\diving visitors can follow the divers
who will be easy to spot as they will all be colliding with foreign
objects as they follow compass headings whilst falling over lines
left by reels. We could fill lift bags with hydrogen and deploy them
like beacons, of course helium would be better but it is so expensive
and less likely to produce the explosive opening we are looking for.
Few exhibitors
I don't think we should have many exhibitors as they take up
a huge amount of space.
The swimming pool for "Try Dives" should be located somewhere
else perhaps on a different floor or preferably another building,
city, or planet as this would limit our liability and reduce our insurance
premium.
Nobby bows his head in awe. I can see inspiration in his eyes so I
continue planning. As you know many of the exhibitors like to run
competions and then give away prizes to the winners, I think we should
not allow this as its so unfair to the people that win, after all
we are divers and don't need charity. A much better idea is
to have a P.A. system that is either very loud or one that crackles
so you can never quite hear the vital message. Individuals should
be allowed to use the system to tell good old fashion diving jokes
and if they are a little blue in content it doesn't matter as
no one will be able to hear anyway. I wonder if we could charge for
this.
Mouldy buns
Catering is also an issue, perhaps we should get an outside agency
to occupy a portion of the show space and sell mouldy buns and sandwiches
along with warm cans of coke.
This will increase the diver's self-reliance as they will have
to provide refreshments on an individual basis or as recommended by
most agencies as buddy teams. I thought I had covered most areas that
needed attending to so I turned to Nobby, "Well my old fruit
cake what do you think of that, brilliant or what?"
Nobby Spamhead's eyes start to mist over always an indication
that he has reached a pivotal moment in his life. He looks at me with
a smile that agrees, but yet shows that disappointment is only a few
words away. He starts to open his mouth but his lips are dry. He beckons
me closer and whispers that alas my vision is flawed for it was he
who in the month of April produced the very same idea in the City
of Angels.
I put my beer down on the table and consider the implications of Nobby's
first few words in several minutes. He can't be serious surely.
I mean this was all a joke. Who would really produce a show like the
one I have just described. After what seems like a decade I tell him
that I had to post a torch to my girlfriend who was last seen wandering
the streets of Bangkok still searching for the entrance.
Editor's note: any resemblance to an actual dive
exhibition is of course intentional. Dive show organisers take note:
exhibitors are looking for effective, well-organised shows that offer
value for money and a chance at seeing a reasonable return on their
investment. Not every dive show offers these basic requirements, and
those that fail to address these concerns may soon find themselves
out of business!
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